Absurdist Humor Appreciator Pillows

"Are you the chap who thinks he's a lightbulb?"

The Potato Man

Alien about to shoot person

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Farm silos: flour, sugar, hops, jam.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Barcode Dreams

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Boomerang cow.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

"Leonard! Throw me the car keys!"