Absurdist Cartoon Lover Pillows

"Lookin' for otters, pal?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"Whose the new guy?"

A Snowman checking out some products for blacken his teeth

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"We didn’t have enough in the budget to replace you with a real robot."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"I think he just ashed on me."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

Eugene Ionesco

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

'You'll have to install a ramp, sir -- you're discriminating against disabled birds.'

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'

'Mr. Putin, annexation of Crimea was nice, but wouldn't Ukraine, Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia also be nice addictions to your Empire?'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'There's a conglomerate of malcontents here to see you, sir.'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"Larry! Swine flu!"