Absurd Task Admirer Gifts

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Barcode Dreams

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"Leonard! Throw me the car keys!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

"From this you make a living?"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'