Absurd Investments Pillows

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Not as easy as it looks?"

Post Post

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

'I believe in Santa Claus, and I believe in the guaranteed annual 10% return.'

"I decided to invest in precious metals - I bought a new car."

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

'I'm worried - she insisted on closing every one of her accounts while she waited...'