Absurd Advice Collector Pillows

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

Pigeon Memos

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

Trending wise.

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

Have you tried drinking ?

'Cake philosophy'

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

W M. Beemers Adages

Hints for the Park.

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

Doubt makes the mountain that faith can make disappear.

'Making virtue its own reward isn't EITHER a cop-out!'

'Granted, it may be a half truth, but it's got all the flavor of a full one, with only half the calories!'

Clancy: Advice for a Bad Memory

"First, find someone to blame."

'I just hope we can avoid a rush to judgement on the charge of my clients public nudity.'`

"The meaning of life. It's about 14 years, half off for good behaviour."

World's tallest potato contest

"You must try your best...no matter what you do. Just don't get obsessive."

Marriage Counselor: 'I say it ain't cheatin', if it's a different species!'

"Your eyes are fine. I'ts just that on some eye charts they type is too small." The nearly blind leading the nearly blind.