Absurd Advice Collector Pillows

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

Pigeon Memos

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

Trending wise.

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

'Cake philosophy'

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

Have you tried drinking ?

W M. Beemers Adages

Hints for the Park.

'Ya know, my mom always said, 'you can catch more flies with hones than with vinegar'!'

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

Doubt makes the mountain that faith can make disappear.

'Making virtue its own reward isn't EITHER a cop-out!'

'Granted, it may be a half truth, but it's got all the flavor of a full one, with only half the calories!'

'I just hope we can avoid a rush to judgement on the charge of my clients public nudity.'`

World's tallest potato contest

Clancy: Advice for a Bad Memory

"First, find someone to blame."

"The meaning of life. It's about 14 years, half off for good behaviour."

"You must try your best...no matter what you do. Just don't get obsessive."

Marriage Counselor: 'I say it ain't cheatin', if it's a different species!'