911 Antics Appreciator Pillows

'Boy! Those 911 operators sure get snooty when you call at 4 a.m. and ask them to translate the words to Frere Jacques.'

Airport Security.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

Basic economy

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'Now, lift and squeeze the diaphragm.' ... 'Sweet.'

"Quick! Turn the siren on!"

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

Police officer giving ticket to paramedics.

"Show-off!"

Fire break.

After budget cuts, emergency services streamlined their phone services.

"When I asked you of you were ready for this promotion, you flailed uncontrollably. Was that a lie?"

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

I got woken by my neighbour's fire alarm last night. - 'I went to dial 999 but I hit the 'hash' key by accident.' - 'I got put through to the Jamaican Embassy...' - 'They just said, 'Take it easy, Peel. Everything is gonna be alright.'' -

'Looks like the coffee machine is out of order again.'

"What are you doing?!"

Pizza Alarm.

Animals going through security before boarding Noah's Ark.

'Try not to move.'

"Yes Mr Wilkins, we do provide a comprehensive 24 hours service but I'm afraid that doesn't include a cashpoint facility."

Actual excerpt from a 911 tape.

Target

'...If the condition continues for more than five hours, call 911.'

The dentist told Mr. Lion it wouldn't hurt; he lied.

"For your comfort, you will be searched by someone of your own level of sexiness."

Race for Life

"Hello? Is it 911?"