Zoom Graduation Survivor Gifts

Graduating in the Age of COVID

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Zumma Cum Laude

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'What did you learn at university today?'

"Not the 'Princeton Experience' he was expecting."

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

Publish and Be Damned

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"Working" from home

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

Welcome Back Everybody!

"Just think, your student loan may outlive you."

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

"Sorry, Higgins, but this isn't a diploma. It's a subpoena!"

Admit it! You're gonna miss High School. Best 5 1/2 Years of Your Life.

"Wow! Your dog really is smarter than an honor roll student!"

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

Is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest up!'

Their son was in a class of his own.

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"Hey! Mine is a list of debt counselors."

A teacher in mortar board and gown

Grabbed By Gorilla

Beat Me, Kick Me, Make Me Do Story Problems.