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I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Braiding a Horse's Tail

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Vlad the Impala

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot