Yellow Journalism Aficionado Pillows

"It'll be HUGE. A soap opera like 'Dallas' but way more overblown. Totally crazy. We can call it 'Washington'. And in the season finale, I blow it all up."

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Jacques et Jille

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Bradley Wiggins

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

JET (Part I)

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Chris Froome

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Editor. Short. Sweet.

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

President Putin.

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

The three Musketeers give a PowerPoint.

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

'And there is where you put the batteries.'

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking