Year-end Financial Planning Gifts

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

In basket-case.

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

What My Day Feels Like

Annual profits,

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'