Xmas Storyteller Pillows

"What child is this?"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Zoom Christmas

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

Rude Snowpeople

Filming Christmas

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

A feminist Christmas.

Knight before Christmas

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

Do not open 'til Christmas...

"I'm playing Santa in the Christmas play. I need a pillow and eight tiny reindeer by Friday."

Boy Prays for a Full Stocking

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."

How the little banjo boy became a drummer

Free Chimney Cleaning.

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

"It's time we have a little chat."

"It's just temporary, Comet, until Rudolph feels better."

'He says he's a friend of the Santa Claus.'

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'