Writing Crime Fiction Mugs

'Why do I rob banks? Because that's where the money is!'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Snow Crime

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Dog detectives

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."