Writers' Conference T-Shirts

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Campaign for Plain English

"Meet the author"

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

The interested bystanders.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

Arthur Schopenhauer

Henrik Ibsen,

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

Litterary Dogs.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

Conference Pears

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."