Writers' Conference T-Shirts

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Campaign for Plain English

"Meet the author"

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

Arthur Schopenhauer

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

Henrik Ibsen,

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack's Poetic Justice

Litterary Dogs.

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

Conference Pears

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'