Workshop Leaders T-Shirts

"I was going to discuss procrastination today, but I'm feeling rather tired. Maybe we could finish this off next week."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"Lovely dovetail."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

Belief and Trust.

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

Brainstorm in progress.

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Targets.

Waiting for retirement.

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"First of all, let me commend everyone on the teamwork displayed on this icebreaker. Secondly, let me apologize for some of the motivational language I used during this session..."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

How to engage an audience

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

"As I understand it, he has a whole other workshop in Hong Kong where they make all that electronic stuff."

Start the session by doing something unusual.

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'