Workplace Jokes Pillows

'My door is always open to all employees, but only until my air conditioner is repaired.'

"Knock knock. Who's there? Your former boss. Pack your things Frank."

"How's your sense of humor? We're looking for an auditor who knows how to laugh."

'What cloak of invisibility? Just admit that you missed work yesterday.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Let's not go by the book.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."