Workplace Efficiency Pillows

Positive and Negative Motivation

'If I was wearing my 'what'?!'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

"Well, no wonder they're more producive than us."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

"Skip the blow by blow. Just condense it into a couple of barks."

'The secret of productivity.'

'Here we have a timetable for setting a target for when we can confirm a target for getting rid of more targets.'

Could we organise another meeting to think about rationalising our meetings

"The 'hot desking' was supposed to be cheaper and more efficient! But it's been a nightmare!"

'Hey, look, the sprinkler system works.'

"Open plan office are the future, they're more flexible, efficient...sharing a workspace and being able to see your colleagues at work can really improve performance!"

'So next time we help a customer take from a pyramid stack, which can should we choose ?'

"This was the day the coffee machine broke."

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"...delegating work to those under you is sound practice...but you don't have anyone under you."

'Right, I've convened these meetings to explore some concerns about the number of meetings we've been having.'

'I'd be interested to hear ideas on how to improve your efficiency.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"This looks like a job for ... someone else."

In future, I want you to clock on and off.

"Effective client support requires an ability to multitask."

"It's simple to distinguish the lazy slackers from the top employees. The top employees quit after two months at the latest. . ."

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

"'Hot desking' doesn't work with just one desk."

'Since you think better in there, Hawkins, how's the McNulty account coming?'

Stickies in the office got out of hand.

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.

"As you can see Sir, productivity has increased exponentially since we decided to provide the employees with free coffee..."

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

"By the way, this is our new company motivational webpage."