Work Ethics Champion Pillows

"What? We owe our big profits to our motivated workforce and not our shareholders? Why wasn't I told this??"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Others will fight for you

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

'Memo to the wife...'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice, Lord Mayor of London.

"He said it's all about holding on to tradition while embracing the future. I told him to keep his hands to himself."

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.

'Get a half-life Mrs Curie.'

Olympic Doping

I've formed a union and I demand fair pay. You hear that, people? This guy wants to destroy the country. He's using a union to demand wage hikes and benefits while the rest of us toil and suffer. If I give him a raise, all of our pastry prices will rise. What do you say to that? Boo. Hiss. Send him back to Russia, in 1960. You should go, they're going to pelt me with food. Thank you. You'll never know what this means to me.

"And Justin has been promoted to Head of Diversity."

Go and sin no more.

'It's how he wanted to be remembered.'

"Of course we employ the disabled. Halve the staff here are not able to get to work on time, the rest are not able to focus on the job."

'I thought you wanted to stop early today Ron!'

I think you put it off long enough.

Woman works late.

"Right, first of all, which one of you bright, young things decided it would be a 'cool idea' to have a breakfast meeting?!"

'I've always wanted to ask him if he's an 'illegal,' but I don't want to get caught up in the whole racial profiling thing.'

'I can tell you're a man of your word. I'd like you to be a man of my word.'

"I want you to prepare a business ethics presentation. If you don't have the time steal it off the internet."

'Does anyone see a reason why this new market strategy shouldn't move forward?...It's more an illegal scheme than a strategy, not to mention awfully immoral...in other words, blah blah blah windfall profits blah...'

'We're looking for hard working optimists, because we pay straight commission plus a monthly lottery ticket.'

'Bark less, work more.'

"He was a firm believer in rolling up his sleeves."