Wordsmith's Block Club Gifts

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"Swing me with your words."

"Be or be not. There is no question."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'He's a man of few works. He likes to talk, he just has a limited vocabulary.'

Accountant Manqué

Books vs mobile phones

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"My essay is titled Essay: Educational Tool or Tired Cliche?"

Irvine Welsh

Rudyard Kipling

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Will Self deprecation

Wussapalooka

Emily Dickinson

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

'I really need to become a great poet while I still have time before I graduate.'

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'When I said we should read together I meant separate books.'

'Where's the spell checker on a pencil?'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"I know the alphabet. I just don't know how to work it."

Saul Bellow

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."