Woodworking Warriors T-Shirts

"Bob's a tool belt."

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Lovely dovetail."

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"First of all, let me commend everyone on the teamwork displayed on this icebreaker. Secondly, let me apologize for some of the motivational language I used during this session..."

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

Resume Dumpers

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"