Witty Wordplay Enthusiast Pillows

"To think you were worried she'd get the shirt off your back!"

Somewhere in the heart of eastern Europe... 'I like it. It's catchy and easy to remember.'

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."

"....And good luck in the Witless Protection Program."

Clancy: Cutting Down

"It seems that our Count can't count."

IRS wishing you 'many happy returns'.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Tit for tat.

Signs: 'hither...yon (under construction)

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Vlad the Inhaler

Wok. Don't Wok.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Please Drove Carefully.

Punt Cake

Lesser known greek gods,

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Gay Times...

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

"Out damn Spot

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"