Witty Welfare Worker T-Shirts

'No, you may NOT have an advance on next month's check!'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bed Spread"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Call Your Office

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

"Uh-huh, I see... and how did you get along with the other adopted sections of this highway?"

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

'Congratulations, Henderson -- I'm promoting you from henchman to crony.'

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

"No, you can't borrow my pen."

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

Safety First.

"You're one of the most twisted people I know!"

"I'm suing my scales manufacturer for slander!"

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

A moocher borrows a cup of sugar to make a sponge cake.

U.S. Mint. I think we deserve a raise --- Our productivity is certainly up!

March Hare