Witty Critic Mugs

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

Mom's Mortuary

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'My dentist recommended it.'

'Oh, and one more thing

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I love this time of year."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

People want as much government as they deserve.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

Looking Daggers

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

"You forgot his tail."