Witty Conversationists Prints

"I've got what it takes to take what you've got."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

Jokes machine.

"I'll have a man overboard!"

The Algonquin Round Table

'Mom can I have another apple?'

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

Lite Marriage.

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

"I can't live without you in my life, but I can live without you in my way.''