Witty Cartoon Enthusiast Gifts

"You should know better, Malloy... If I gave you a raise it would jeopardize the whole economy!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Old West Bounty Hunter.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"We didn’t have enough in the budget to replace you with a real robot."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"I think he just ashed on me."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Blog always makes it all about Blog."

"You don't see much in the way of rioting and looting when an unarmed white man is killed by the police."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

'Mr. Putin, annexation of Crimea was nice, but wouldn't Ukraine, Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia also be nice addictions to your Empire?'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'There's a conglomerate of malcontents here to see you, sir.'

NHS Suicide Counselling

There IS a Santa Claus.

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"You've sacrificed a lot for the company."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"We can't have Single Payer - what will people do without claim denials and endless hoops to jump through?"