Witness Whisperer T-Shirts

"Signing in my presence isn't enough anymore. You have to sign while I'm in your personal space."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

"Now all we need is a good script."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Duplass Brothers

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''

Caterpillar Paranoia

'The spots are much clearer.'

"Truth, whole truth, nothing but the truth? I'm not ready for that much of a commitment."

First Annual Psychic Convention

Cellular Plan

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

'I want all of you to pay attention as though your job depended upon it.'

If you think you have caught a record fish...make sure you have a witness...

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

'I've decided to spread the blame...unevenly of course.'

''The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'? -- How patriarchal can you get?'

'Then there were 85 bottles of beer on the wall. We took one down and passed it around and after that, it's a complete blank.'

Always stick to the script.

Health and safety nightmare.

'I swear to tell the truth,the whole truth,and nothing but the truth, from my perspective.'

'Yes, that's him. That's the author of the book that grabbed me and wouldn't let go!'

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"He shows enormous potential."

'If you want to know what really happened, you'll have to buy my new book.'

"The whole truth? You won't settle for two percent or skim?"