Wisenheimer Appreciator Pillows

"He was sold to me as a Weimaraner but I really think he's more of a Wisenheimer."

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

The Stat-ewe of Liberty.

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

Mt. Tushmore

Been in advertising long?

'I'm jumping into a black hole!'

Heaven Has VIP

'When I asked for a bottle of house red...'

The World Will Overheat and End Next Week: Like, will it be on You Tube?

The Meaning of Humour

"Have you got it in beige?"

Michelangelo's David

Noah's Ark Being Towed.

"Are we admiring a sunrise or a sunset?"

Sword swallower's groin extends as if its the sword

'I had a house for that price, but it sold in 1962.'

"Sam, this is Willie Zimmer, whose quiet authority informs the mailroom."

"Obviously we'd have loved to help, but there were so MANY other calls on the public purse!"

The Same Old Era.

"He never fit in, so this is how he wanted to be remembered."

'Has this one got cavity walls?' 'Only since the rats moved in.'

'This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. This only a test.'

"Not you again! I've told you before, your case has gone to appeal and you should hear something in the next two to three thousand years."

"I forgot my safe word."

Perspective Repair

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'