Wise Investor Pillows

'The way I see it, money is like a big manure pile, it's no good unless you spread it around.'

'You think cheese will motivate me? No. I want mutual funds.'

Pension Advisor.

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'There's more to life than winning; there's also taking losses as tax write-offs, That's it?'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The only thing you need to know about money matters it that it matters.

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

Saving for College.

The day the stock market went UP.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

Financial Prudence disappears.

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'Don't jump! The latest market sector bubble to burst is making a turnaround!'

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

'I hope this reform really hurts!!'

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

"So is it good or bad if a stock is viral?"