Wine Merchants Pillows

"Is Portugal still friendly?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

true love.

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

Wine taster with mineral water

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'