Wine Maker T-Shirts

'Thank goodness the FDA now requires us to number each grape. We were almost caught up around here.'

Winery tours.

'For the last time. First we catch out man, then we go on a wine tour.'

'Wine region.'

"Look ere, JC, if you carry on with this changing water into wine shtick, there's plent of lads out there willing to do you!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'He must be a top vintner. He's out standing in his field.'

Creative labeling

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

'Ok, house red then, please.'

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

'It's Jack's homemade Merlot - care for a scoop?'

'I heard you turned water into wine. What strain of yeast do you use?'

'Do I know how many hectoliters we produce per hectare? ...Heck no.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'I made the mistake of redoing the house in Limousin oak, right before Jack decided to start barrel aging his merlot.'

'Yes, actually you DID get me out of the tub....'

'No, I haven't gotten around to crushing the grapes, but I think have them pretty well intimidated.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"We are aiming to produce a French style wine this year!"

The Vineyard

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

"This wine was made for cable TV...a blend of 500 grapes varieties, but you'll only taste about 5 of them."

Galician vineyards

"Very wishy-washy. . . really lacks conviction. . ."

'It's our genetically modified pinot noir grape. We'll claim it will pair perfectly with cube steak.'

"Mr. Rotgut! Mr. Rotgut! A car's coming! A car's coming, and he sure doesn't look lost to me!"

Grapes Drinking Blood

Giamatti: Full-bodied, with subtle hints of chicory, chocolate, and feet.

'Usual prosheedure - hang the minutes of the last meeting!'