Wiggly Wine Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

A feast in a hospital bed.

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'House red please.'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"I don't have candy, but I have bread and wine."

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

Angelic Wine

'How did I fill all this in for only $75.00? Easy, I only collect corked wines.'

Swine List

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'No, I cannot turn water into wine...'

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

"Dinner is poured."

Wine Tango

'Wine for Left-Handed Women from North Phoenix, Who Wear Glasses and Like Cats? Sorry, we only have from South Phoenix.'

"Wine with dinner tonight, Tom - and it's locally sourced!"