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White Wine Wisdom

"Actually, we don't sell much Viognier, but the guy who sells me Viognier? -- that guy sells a lot of Viognier."

"Here's a nice white wine. Goes great with grooming and hairballs.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Sauvignon Bonk

Bacchus.

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"Now I really hate poetry."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."