White House Humor Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I can't imagine that anyone would want to steal your identity, sir."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

IRS Audits. That's your fourth "honest" mistake in a row!

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Dangers of Corporate Personhood

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

"So we have met before..."

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

Day 1: The Launch. . . Starting Day 2: Another Government Bailout.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

War of Words

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

'I'm resigning -- so voters won't get the satisfaction of kicking me out of office!'

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

Arnold Schwarzenneger caricature.

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

"Let's give him a few minutes to grieve. His idea of taxing the air taxpayers breath was rejected."

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'We'd like you to develop a truth drug. One that makes other people think that we're telling the truth.'

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."