Wellness Wannabe T-Shirts

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

"Holy moly!"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Cures for the void.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'You mean that carrying around this heavy weight belly 24 hours a day isn't enoght exercise, doc?!'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'Eat in moderation, Drink in moderation. Be merry whenever you want.'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."

"It's all down to turmeric!"

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."