Wellness Trend Follower T-Shirts

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Inflating Boobs.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Giraffe Selfie

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."