Weight Management Satirist T-Shirts

'Cheer up, at least it makes you look taller.'

"Two vegans, please."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Weight Gain Denial

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Is it working?"

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'

"Will I be searched for chocolate when I board?"

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"Imagine bread is a lot like the sun...It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist."

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...