Weight Loss Whimsy T-Shirts

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

"My diet book is outselling yours."

'Please bow your head and cough. I need to check your hairballs.'

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

Dessert Storm Veteran

If swimming is such a good way to lose weight, how do you explain whales?

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

'Why did you switch doctors?', 'The last one was too skinny.'

The proud husband who's wife just lost thirty-five pounds: 'This is my wife Sandra, Greatly reduced.'

Some Sanctions against Russia Are a Blessing in Disguise

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"Why do humans think there's no difference between eyes and buttons?"

"Dieting galls my bladder!"

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

Could somebody please scratch my back?

"...by the time I'm through taking my daily pills, I'm too full to eat!"

Fantasy Diet League

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

"That's what happens when you combine lo carb with lo fat fat diets."

Woman at Nutrition Center has desk in and out boxes labeled Fat On and Fat Off.

"I see your past life."

A man goes to the toilet and loses weight in the process.

'Help!'

'Oh no, my diet plan's gone pear-shaped!'