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"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'I'm going to drag my sled up and down the sidewalk until the noise drives nature crazy and it snows.'

"Thank god I bought my layers."

Happy Hour

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"It seemed like miles to me!"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I'm supposed to wake Jasper up at sunrise, but which pile of snow is he asleep under?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Speed Dating.

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

The Wishing Well

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

Valleyview diet clinic

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.