Wedding Mishap T-Shirts

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"You said getting to the air B&B would be quick, I didn't think you meant this quick!"

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'So we lost your luggage -- You still have your health, don't you?'

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'I went with a tour group to Europe, and they dumped me in Spain.'

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Private Eye office: 'She went on a second honeymoon,but not with me!'

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

Bride with a lasso.

"And do you John, despite the mountain of statistical evidence showing it ain't gonna happen, promise to stick by your woman?"

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

'About this trip to the Amazon jungle...I want my money back!'

I love you, Morty, and I do want to get married. I'm just a little worried. What if I feel trapped? What if we fight, or one of us changes, or aliens attack? Aliens? And there's only enough canned food for one of us! Holy commitment phobia.

"How much worse?"

'The groom called to say he can't marry you today. He totally forgot he was in a pool tournament this weekend.'

"Last week, my husband waded into the cords behind our TV to untangle them, and I haven't seen him since."

Elopement

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'