Wedding Dodger Pillows

'My wife said it was up to me - I could come to her sister's wedding, or go to Vegas with you and the guys. Guess what I chose?'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

"Any yet he's always on my case."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"You should have been here at eight!"

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

"You'll catch her if you're quick. She made a dash for the back door."

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

"Pretend relationships are better than real ones."

It can be bloody hard work to avoid the relatives at Christmas.

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

'40 years and I never missed a meeting. Oh, I attended a few, but never missed not going to another!'

"Sorry, your meeting's been pushed back...Mr. Smith's only 2,000 from a world record!"

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"