Wedding Comedian T-Shirts

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

"And do you promise to be in it for the long haul?"

DEFINE "for poorer".

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

The Aisle

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'