Wedding Celebration Survivor T-Shirts

"OK, now what?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

The Forever Stamp

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'How about this for the masked ball?'

"Oh no! You, again?"

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

Three women dancing

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

'I'd like to sample your house wine...Hmm, do you have something that stains a little better?'

"Recently separated."

'We've learned to keep the mystery in our marriage -- every now and then, we put on disguises and have an affair with each other.'

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

Days of Christmas.

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Bored Meeting

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"No she won't. She left her ring on the table."

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

'Not quite the action shot we were going for!'

"The kid next door is doing a school project on heighborhood success stories and wanted to talk to you. I laughed so hard I wet my pants."