Wedding Celebration Survivor T-Shirts

"OK, now what?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

The Forever Stamp

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'How about this for the masked ball?'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

Three women dancing

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'We've learned to keep the mystery in our marriage -- every now and then, we put on disguises and have an affair with each other.'

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Recently separated."

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

Bored Meeting

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

'Not quite the action shot we were going for!'

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"