Wealth Managers Pillows

"Do we have a place for your portfolio's ashes?"

Harvard Business and Pleasure School

Save our Bonuses.

'I want to make just enough money so everyone will hate me.'

"Are the rich obliged to do anything?"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

A fight in the Boardroom.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Will work for ETFs

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

You can breed these if the environment is right.