Wealth Divide Satirist Gifts

"It's all about you, isn't it?"

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

Oil in Nigeria.

Bank of Cyprus-sia

"Yes, 650,- euro net rent is a pretty good price and it's a very nice house... By the way, I'm talkins about this house, sir."

Ryan Crossing

If things were going just a little bit better we could have filed for bankruptcy.

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

Corporations will have to earn this tax cut one dollar at a time!

Stimulus bust

"Looks like charity is the transfer of money from poor people in rich counties to rich people in poor countries."

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'