Water Trend Followers Pillows

Make your own bottled water.

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Isn't there an app for this?"

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"That shirt is so last year."

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'Tech stocks rose on news that nerds are now considered 'hip'.'

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Giraffe Selfie

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"What are you doing?"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.