Trend Followers Pillows

"I've followed this guy on social media for years, so I figure I can't go wrong following him in real life..."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Yo! Check it out"

"Yours is an interesting self-diagnosis...."

'Aaar! Walk the person planked on the plank!'

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"Poor kid, being lumbered with a name like Kevin. What's wrong with something ordinary like Zain or Kayan?"

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

Duncan was having a good hair day, but a bad hair life.

New trend: dissolving your teeth with a Coca-Cola habit and getting dentures like Trump.

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

Giraffe Selfie

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"That shirt is so last year."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"