Watching Quiz Shows Mugs

'Where was I on the night of April tenth....Uhmmmm....Can I phone a friend?'

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

Before the Internet

Senior Jeopardy!

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

City centre pub.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

Bob Monkhouse

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

At the celebrity jobcentre...

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

'Then in the next round, I said to Carol, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant...'

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

Academic Jeopardy - "This was Titian's favorite after-dinner dessert."

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

And that's why I'm still single!

Universe Challenge

'...no you can't phone a friend!'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"No conifering, please."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"Angry or Hangry?

"Decision time folks! Will you come back next week and try for the baby?"