Watching Court Dramas Mugs

'Your reason for non-attendance last time was, 'I'd seen too many courtroom dramas on telly and didn't fancy it'.'

"So, Mr. Slinky, you actually expect the jury to believe my client pushed you down the stairs on purpose?"

Trial by Media

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

Contest of wills.

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'My client may have huffed and he may have puffed, but ladies and gentlemen, he just happens to have a very bad smoker's cough. He did not blow anyone's house down!'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'