Watching Cookery Shows Gifts

Popular Culture Vulture

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Keith Floyd.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

Here's one I made earlier.

Mary Berry

My Cauldron Rules

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Nigella Lawson

Chefs

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

'It's indigestion due to your lifestyle, you're watching too many T.V. cookery shows.'

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'