Wasp Dodgers Pillows

Riding with your jacket open in summer is an ideal way to collect wasps,

Bees v Wasps

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"It's your turn to change his diaper!"

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

"Scratching the infected area will only make it worse, Mr Bonaparte!"

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

Church of the Low-Carbs

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

Catching the Sun

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

Ugh! I hate shots! The Dodos.

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"And in this corner is a wasp, so we're going to stay away from it."

Wasp being sprayed.

"Yes, you've caught me at a bad time!!"

Other Walks of Shame

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

"Before you say anything, let me tell you which TV shows I don't want spoilers on."

Survivors of Near-Flu Experiences

Money going to shark and piggy bank (colour).

If you're going to scream every time a kid yells cannonball, you're not coming with me anymore.

'May I have your frequent flier points?'

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

Do you think I'm army material, Randy? I think you'd be a real asset to the army. Really? Pain is an asset, because otherwise, how would one appreciate pleasure? Loneliness is an asset, for otherwise how would one appreciate love? I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership. Death is an asset. How else would one cherish life?

'Well, that's Match of the Day over, now you can tell me the score.'