Waiting Staff T-Shirts

'No you deaf fool, I said 'get her ladyship's coat'.'

She got their order right, but no one told her she could stop holding.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Diner.

'A cheeky red?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).